everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
