Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
