I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
