tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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