the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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