I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
