I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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