whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
