Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
