Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
