Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
