I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am one with the molecules
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize