My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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