put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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