nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize