you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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