I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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