I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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