can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
