If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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