the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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