Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
