Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
