what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
