I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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