Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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