She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
