No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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