imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
