he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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