Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
