Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
