The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
