IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
