we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
