Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
