Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
