Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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