The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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