I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
