Got a toothbrush?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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