her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
