i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize