my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip