Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written