your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.