I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
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I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!