for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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