I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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