No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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