I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
