I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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