i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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