I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
