I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
