I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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