I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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