honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
