i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
