I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
