My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
