I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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