you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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