He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
