I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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