I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
