my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
