I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
