Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
