Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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