I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
