My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the day after is always just damage control
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
