I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
