why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
