Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
PANTIES FOUND
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