When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
