hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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