nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The air was thick with penises
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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