He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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