she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
