This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
