I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
