wrigley field is MILF paradise
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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